You try to understand,you want to understand.I get it,I really do.But you also want to ignore it.Let it fade and discolour and
become a part of the past.I'd like for you to give it a rest.Although we both know that is just my wishful thinking.
You wont.You cant.You'll try to make it better for me.Make my life a little bit easier.Pretend Im getting better.That ITS getting
better.Sure,they arent as noticeable as they were before.And yeah,maybe one day it will stop.But one day and today could be filled
with unreasonable and unbearable days that end in another cut.More broken flesh.But when my eyes are burning and all I need
is some sleep but I cant and I wont because fuck,Im scared okay.You dont know what happens when I close my eyes.And you never will.
You will just laugh and call me crazy.Sure,any normal person would do the same thing,it's happened before.Now it doesnt bother me
as much.It's fading and discolouring and you want to throw a party you are just that damn happy.Why do you care so much? arent you
tired like I am?Give up god damnit.
End it.throw it away and forget.
It'll be hard at first but after a while it will be like it never happened.I promise.
You said that my eyes are charchol.That they dont look the same.You said my laugh is dead and face is emotionless.
I say im fine and you reply with a forced smile.I know its not genuine and really that kills me a bit.
I do want to make you happy.
I do want to get better.
I want to smile.
I want to laugh.
I dont want to wither away to nothing.
I dont want to crumble and fall to pieces.
I dont want to bleed.
I dont want to hurt anymore.
Too many I do's and I donts and no I wills.Useless really.I dont understand you sometimes.Actually,I dont understand you at all.
Why would you want to help me? Please dont.I dont need you.You dont need me.Those beautiful words that spill from your lips only
make me feel damned and upset and to be honest they make my heart ache.Just a little bit.And when you envelop me in your arms,
I try to tell myself 'he's only being a good friend' but I know you arent.I know you want moremoremore and I cant give that to
you.I will never be able to give you what you attempt to give to me.Sometimes I ask myself if you are just an angel sent down to
do a good deed and then get your wings.Then I remind myself that there is no god.That there is no way that,that could be the reason
you are so kind,so loving and yet so naive.You always found it hard to face reality.Never questioning,always leaving from time to
time.And shit,people cant do that.You cant walk into a life and then walk out.It hurts too much.It stings and pains and leaves a
scar.A permanent reminder.An unwanted reminder.Just go before the go-ing becomes harder.End it before I let it begin.

Soon enough,it will fade and discolour and you will be nothing but an unwanted reminder of the past.

um,this was inspired by real life events experienced by me.Dont judge me...please?